Goodbye to our baby boy and 2016…

I was going to do a post about my RANTS but life took the ugliest turn and there is only one rant I now have…

Last night was the most difficult night of our lives. My loving husband, David, held me for hours, as we sobbed over the loss of our son…

David and I hoped to make an exciting post for the New Year and welcome 2017 letting you all know that I was over 3 months pregnant and we were having a baby boy!

Life doesn’t always go how you plan. Life is full of twists and turns. Life sometimes feels like a sharp knife that decides to stab you in the heart and let you slowing bleed out from heartache. Life is often too short and merciless.

I have seen so many posts over this difficult year, telling 2016 to F*CK itself and I never could join in. Even though I still grieve that we had to lose Daddy Jim, David’s Dad this year. Even though my heart still feels broken from what occurred at Standing Rock. Even when I found myself in a ball of tears every time I saw, read or heard more about Aleppo. Even though this presidential election scared me, broke my loved ones, and continues to haunt my dreams. Even though…so much darkness. And yet, I knew we were pregnant and I couldn’t stay mad, sad or scared of anything. Our baby boy was growing, healthy, strong, active, beautiful, and perfectly inside me.

Our peanut…He decided to start his journey in late September. And just like one of my lines as Sylvia, from my most recent play “The Pride” at Theatre22…”I would pray with my whole body to feel it. The stirrings of it. A NEW life inside me. And I would KNOW the very night it happened” And I did! I knew it. I felt when he implanted. I told David, we are pregnant. And sure enough, days later, we took a test and we were.

So yes, this means I have been pregnant for months now, teaching at our studio, on set of films and most amazingly of all…I was pregnant during The Pride. This play was already such a powerful story I wanted to tell with Corey, Trevor, Andre and Doug. This play was already something I knew the community needed to remember, to be reminded and to relate. But to be carrying my own baby inside of me, while diving into a role of a woman who only wishes to have a child…it was magical.

David and I have already lost 2 babies. I had my first miscarriage over a year ago and I was 8 weeks along. All through the filming of The Cost of Things, my Director, and dearest friend, Tony Tibbetts, who knew I was miscarrying, he made it a point to take hourly breaks. I am sure the whole crew thought he was insane…but it was all for me…to go change my pads, as I lost our first child all day. My second miscarriage I wasn’t as far along but far enough. It was at the start of this year, 2016, while I was in Crimes of the Heart at Village Theatre. My understudy had just lost a family member, I didn’t want them to have her fly back for me, so the show must go on…and so did I. But not this time…this miscarriage, there was no film, no play, no Mama DiMarco making sure everyone else was alright first…this was just me, david and our baby.

Monday, December 26th, I started getting low abdominal pain, my OBGYN assured me this was round ligament pain and uterus growth. After two INCREDIBLE ultrasounds, of seeing our active baby boy, and healthy blood tests coming in every OBGYN visit, we had no worries. Now in this time of sorrow, I cherish the videos we have of our peanut waving at us, standing up, and that day we heard his heartbeat for the first time.
Then yesterday morning, after the lower pain had proceeded to get worse, I awoke to get up and pee, which you do a lot when you’re pregnant…and now I was bleeding…heavy. The next two hours that followed are something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. The physical pain…the amount of blood…and then…our baby boy…who fully released from my body…

Is that too graphic? Am I oversharing? Should I even be writing this? Why do I even need to ask these questions?! For any person, man and woman, trying to bring a life into this world, it is truly the most rewarding and challenging thing one can do. And yet, we are told to not talk about half of the journey, until such and such time, or not at all, because what if you lose the baby…exactly, what if YOU LOSE YOUR BABY. THIS is when we need people, loved ones, to know what we are going through, what we have done to get as far as we have and that this loss should NOT be alone. It’s like we are meant to feel ashamed that we cant have a child like “everyone else’…NO, there are SO MANY of us who can’t, who haven’t and who keep trying, even after multiple losses.

My mom drove 100 mph from Port Orchard to our house, getting pulled over by a State Patrolman, who then tried to console my inconsolable mother who explained she was just trying to get to her daughter who was losing her son. When she got here, Caleb, our son, was in my hand, I was still on the toilet, and David and Bruno were at my side. After what seemed like the worse part of it, we rushed to the ER. Hours hooked up to an IV, seeing an EMPTY abdominal and vaginal ultrasound, morphine, and blood tests and…I was sent home.

I started a Miscarriage Support Group, Ciao Bella, to gather woman together and share. This was after my first miscarriage. I wanted Ciao Bella, to be a place where we could say HELLO and GOODBYE to our babies here and gone. Because the journey of BEING pregnant is also not talked about enough. The pains, the changes, the do’s and dont’s. Yes, the internet is always there for you, to go insane with worry. But having actually HUMAN connection, sharing REAL experiences with those who care, THIS is what we all need in LIFE.

I can barely see the screen, as my eyes are so swollen from grieving for the past 24 hours. But I knew I was ready to share, to be open and to let you all know. I can tell you, our boy, Caleb DiMarco Hogan, is beautiful. I am so glad I got to hold him and when we all got back from the hospital, we buried him. I said a prayer, thanked him for the time we had with him, and now, here we are…

I am going to go back outside and sit with my son, even though I know that is just his “shell”, we know he is with us and that he is with Daddy Jim, my paternal grandparents, my maternal grandfather and my great grandma. We only hope he knows we love him and always will.

Caleb DiMarco Hogan 9/28/2016-12/30/2016

2016 the struggle was real but there was some good stuff too…

 

Mama DiMarco (me) has been pretty MIA on this webpage. Bad Mama DiMarco, baddddddd! But I am back with many rants and raves! I have SO MUCH to share and this post will highlight some of my 2016 RAVES (RANTS coming later this week) as an actor, teacher, producer, casting director and filmmaker. And a few personal ones too…

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(Being on David S. Hogan’s arm always makes me feel like a star)

Mighty Tripod Productions first feature film, Paralytic, made it into SIFF! We couldn’t be more proud! It was truly a milestone for many of us: the actors, the crew, the producers and our company, MTP. All the hard work and tears paid off. We sold out BOTH screenings and were moved to larger venues. Each audience had great feedback and the community really showed up in full force to support us. David and I are so grateful that our director/writer/producer, Joey Johnson, gave us the opportunity to make this film with him. We have deals in the works for distribution and more.

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Earlier this year I got to work at Village Theatre with Kathryn Van Meter directing me as Chick Boyle in Crimes of the Heart. I worked alongside women and men who I admire, and was on stage with them for months. Dreams come true!

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Brides To Be by First Sight Productions, directed and written by Lindy and Kris Boustedt got into MANY film festivals, and it’s also available ONLINE NOW! Annnddd Brides to Be went to GERMANY! BOOM! This started with a short film, Together Forever, and after we got MILLIONS of views we knew we had to make the feature. All the artists involved in making the short and the feature put their full hearts into it, and it shows. I couldn’t be more proud! Thank you Kris and Lindy for letting me be your Robin.

Team Mighty Tripod competed in the Seattle 48 Hour Film Project and we WON! We pulled dark comedy and made a film about a special kind of support group. Our film, One Step Too Far, brought home best score, the spirit award and BEST OF THE FEST. This means our film will screen and compete in Filmapalooza 2017!

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In March, David and I had an epic trip to Alaska with his mom. During the summer, my best friend, Meg McLynn, got married. I made more films with my incredible sister and her company Blue Forge Productions, one of which garnered me a best actress award. I also got to make another feature film, The Fairy’s Game,  with Elijah Nelson (my son from Switchmas). And our Mighty Tripod Acting Studio for adults and youth is rocking!

Did I mention I got to bring my Moms to SIFF and get a Red Carpet photo with them? Or how our film Cost of Things by Mighty Tripod was an official selection in Hollyshorts Film Festival and Seattle Shorts Film Festival? I also got to film more of the wacky series, Stroller Gangs, by Tom Skerritt. I cast my first TV Pilot (Tabitha Witch of the Order), and was thrilled to cast all Seattle actors. I LOVED my 2016 headshot session with the fabulous Lisa Levan.

And, to wrap the year up artistically before the Holidays, I had the honor of stepping into the shoes of Sylvia in my debut at Theatre 22 in The Pride.  The Pride is a play about loneliness, the layers of love, and how every life has it’s struggles. Thank you, Corey, for inviting me to tell this story with you.

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Alright, Alright, I know, I know, enough is enough, Angela. Well, that’s what happens when I’m away for too long. I’m sure I have forgotten something and will need to add it in later, but for now I have a smile on my face and am beyond proud of #FilmInWA #SeaTheatre #MightyTripod, and all my artist sisters and brothers. I will start to compose my RANTS blog for the end of the week. I WILL BE BACK!

Paralytic

I’m baccckkkkkkk!

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It has been way too long! Bad actor, baaadddd! But it’s all for a VERY good reason! We, Mighty Tripod Productions, joined forces with Joey Johnson and tackled our first feature film, Paralytic.

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Mighty Tripod has done many successful short films but this will be our first feature length film that we produce and star in. David and I dove into powerful roles, and loved being on both sides of the camera. We put together an INCREDIBLE cast and crew and now are full steam ahead into post production.

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We have major production value with the epic locations we filmed at and our stellar DP, Domenic Barbero. From a cabin on a lake in the woods, to city hall, and all the way over to the magical surroundings of Cave B winery on the Columbia River.

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Paralytic is a story about Carson (David S. Hogan), a contract killer who is hired but the new Patron to take down the Mayor.  Carson will join a team of other skilled killers, Anton (Deron Brigdon), Lance (D’Angelo Midili), Clarissa (Angela DiMarco), all managed by Sergio (Richard Carmen). Once Carson meets Clarissa, everything changes for the good and the bad.

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The film will take you on Carson’s journey and the present journey of Alice (Darlene Sellers), a small town sheriff who comes upon a dead body at the cabin. A film full of Greed, Lust, Murder, Loss, and the new Patron’s obsession with Paralytic Serums.

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I cannot wait to share this film! I learned so much during this process, I already want to put all that into another Mighty Tripod Production. But for now, we will take it one MIGHTY film at a time.

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#DontWaitCREATE

Twitter: @ParalyticMovie

Website: ParalyticMovie.com

Facebook: Paralytic – A Feature Length Thriller

MILES

Miles is a Mighty Tripod Production, written and directed by Jeremy Berg. image

When David and I read the script, we couldn’t wait to bring it to life! We gathered a stellar crew and shot over a weekend. Miles is a psychiatrist, struggling with his private practice.

Then Maggie Keyes comes into his office and her story starts to make him think. A psychological thriller about loss and living.

What Breaks You Often Makes You.

Speaking Out. Anti-Bullying.

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I grew up poor, born and raised in the projects of Whitecenter. After my Dad’s death, my Mom had to work 3 jobs to provide for Me and my older sister. Then my Mom met the love of her life, her wife of over 28 years. My sister and I took 3 metro buses across town to attend Summit K-12, an alternative School of the Arts. I had a reading disability and was grades behind until Mrs. Pennington took me under her wing. I signed with an agent when I was 8 years old and started diving in.

I wouldn’t change a thing about my parents, or how I was raised…but it was the people, the bullies who broke me down, throwing words, fists and leaving me scarred…

“You’re Short” “Flat Chested” “Ghetto” “K-Mart Kickers” “Trash” “Clown Face” “Your Mom’s a Leather Dyke” “Dumbass” “Rat’s Nest Hair”

From the age of 7 years old till about 13, I was torn down. There was one girl and boy who went out of their way to beat me down emotionally and sometimes physically…

High-school was better but a whole other kind of self-discovery. I blurred College with substance and creation to escape. Then when I was 20 years old, I moved to Los Angeles and it all started again. On top of back to back partners who made me feel invisible…

“You need a boob job” “Lose weight” “get botox” “Get a nose job” “You’re too ethnic” “You’re too short” “Afro hair”

Why am I posting this? Because I feel like many of us push forward, smile for the camera, and keep battles to ourselves. But battles are better won with an army! How I wish I knew how to not let them slowly chip at me until I broke.

It took me years to find myself again, my Mom and sister, have ALWAYS been by my side and make me a stronger woman. Then 13 years ago, I met David S Hogan, the first partner who makes me feel beautiful, loved and needed EVERYDAY.

And I have to give a special thank you to my Directors of #BridesToBe, Lindy Boustedt, Kris Boustedt and the cast and crew. I was surrounded by people who made me feel welcome, cared for, talented, sexy, and respected.

This is a difficult career to tackle, let alone LIFE is hard enough. Surround yourself with people who love you for YOU. Never let someone else tell you what you are or who you should be. My New Year’s resolution will be to listen to myself, do what’s best for me, and follow my own advice…

Be Daring. Be Honest. Be YOURSELF. Be Mighty.

2014 is a ride I will never forget…

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Once again, LIFE has taken over and I haven’t posted in months. This is both good and bad…

THE GOOD…I told myself at the end of last year, I wanted to do another play, 3 feature films and be on TV. Thinking I could challenge myself to do even more than 2013. Well, I challenged myself, I dove in and I met that challenge and then some! I am beyond honored to have worked on these projects in 2014…

TELEVISION

GRIMM “Last Fight” (Co-Starring role Lanie)

 

THEATRE

The Foreigner at Village Theatre (Catherine Simms, a Southern Belle)

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FEATURE FILMS

The Device with The October People (Paranormal Thriller)

Legends From the Sky by Travis Holt Hamilton (Action, Ancestry & Amazing Locations)

Worst Laid Plans directed by CB Shamah (Comedy about a tattoo parlor)

Beta Test with Mirror Images by Nicholas Gyeney (Action)

Brides To Be with First Sight Productions (Horror with same roles from Together Forever)

SHORT FILMS

Together Forever with First Sight Productions (Lesbian Film about Love)

MILES by Jeremy Berg (Thriller about a man’s internal struggle)

Refraction by Bruce Stead (Drama about love and loss)

Karma Gettin’ by Mighty Tripod Productions (Comedic Silent Film)

Closing Time by Don Manning (Drama about a woman’s past)

ESPER by Mighty Tripod Productions (Sci-Fi Thriller)

The Perfect Pieces by Krk Nordenstrom (Dark Comedy)

RELEASED THIS YEAR

Chop Socky Boom (Comedic Web-Series, Carmen a Italian/Russian Producer)

By Gods Grace (Family Feature Film, Karen Taylor the loving mother)

I loved each of these roles for very different reasons. Abby, in The Device, pushed me further than I have ever gone on stage or screen. Working with Jeremy Berg was an Actor’s dream come true. He let me build and layer the character and he would come in and sculpt it. The Device won Audience Favorite from it’s premiere in the Local Sightings film festival. The film comes out in December and I will be giving my family thrilling stocking stuffers 😉

My NBC, network television debut was on GRIMM, “Last Fight” as Lanie. It was an incredible experience, like no other I have tackled as an actor. Multiple cameras, working with the lead actors of the 4 season series, fast paced and a demanding emotional role. I am ready for more!

I tell me students, peers and post that as an Actor, DON’T WAIT, CREATE! So in between these feature films that I had leading and small roles in, I would jump into short films. Our company, Mighty Tripod Productions, produced 2 more awards winning films (Karma Getting’ and Esper) and will release MILES before the year is out.

And then there is TOGETHER FOREVER written and directed by Lindy and Kris Boustedt. This short film about two women in love, became a YouTube viral video within a week. The attention, comments, and film itself inspired us to create BRIDES TO BE. This is a feature film about Jenna and Robin the day before their wedding. However, the mansion they plan to say “I DO”, is trying to pull them apart, literally. We will finish filming in December 2014 and cannot wait to share this MIGHTY film with you next year!

All of these projects kept my creative juices flowing and gave me experience to share with our MTP students. My husband, David S. Hogan and I have been offering workshops, classes and private coaching in the NW. We continue to fill these spots with hungry actors who want to hone their craft and grow. Watching our students learn, encourages me and reminds why I do what I do.

THE BAD…Like a roller coaster, if you go up, you must come down. I am grateful for my creative success this year but loved ones ALWAYS come first. We had to say goodbye to our Lily Love last week. Lily was our one eyed Lhasa Apso that we rescued years ago. She became a companion to Vida, our Mighty Tripod who passed away of bone Cancer two years ago. Lily was diagnosed with heart decease and battled it for over a year. Like her sister, Vida, we gave her the best medical attention, meds, diet and LOVE. In late June of this year, we brought home BRUNO. A playmate, brother and sidekick to Lily. Bruno is also a rescue, about 2 years old and an energy ball. His playfulness brought out a puppy in Lily. In no time at all, they were napping together, chasing one other and became family.

This month, the battle for Lily became more of a struggle and we decided she shouldn’t have to fight anymore. David and I do not have children but these dogs were our babies. We brought them into our lives, cared for them as family members, they inspired us, and gave us their unconditional love. Saying goodbye to them breaks my heart, leaves me feeling empty and often lost. No loved one can ever be replaced, nor will they ever be forgotten. When we rescued Vida in Los Angeles, she changed our lives. Adding Lily years later made our family complete. Now the two of them are reunited and running free without pain. For all my dog loving readers out there…snuggle them, love them, and listen to them…they will let you know when it is time to say “I love you and will see you again”.

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DON’T WAIT, CREATE!

It has been way too long since I posted last. Since I wrapped on my magical experience in Legends from the Sky, I jumped into a 48 hour film festival, then a short film, a co-starring role on a TV show, a feature film, my CSB episode is about to hit the public, My sister is making movies again, we are almost ready to launch MILES, The Device is about to screen locally, Trauma screened in LA, and I started writing a play. PHEW!

First up, our company, Mighty Tripod Productions, did another 48 Hour Film Project. This is where you pull a genre on Friday, and have 48 hours to film, edit, compose and turn in a FILM! It must be 7 minutes in length, or less. Each Team pulls their own genre but we all had to incorporate these elements…

A Fly Swatter

A character named Darin or Dana Stumme who is a Massage Therapist

The line of dialogue “No Way. Never Again.”

Team Mighty Tripod pulled SILENT MOVIE! We had a blast! Our Director, Ben Rapson was amazing to work with. Our writer, Todd Downing, created an amazing story. We twisted Chris Taylor’s arm to DP for us again. Our crew was beyond mighty! And I got to act alongside David S. Hogan (of course), Sara Coates, Tony Doupe, and Sharva Maynard. We also added some adorable dogs to the mix, WINNING! Our film ended up winning Best Cinematography (Taylor), Best Musical Score (Brendan Patrick Hogan) and Best Costumes (Lisa B. Hammond & K.d. Schill). Our FAB editor Brad Strain should have won an award for edited a SILENT FILM, not an easy task. We are so proud of our film, Karma Gettin’.

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Then I went across the water, to Port Orchard and step into the shoes of Lynette in Closing Time. This is a powerful short about a woman struggling to forget the past and then HE walks back into her life. I was fortunate to work opposite Mr. Benjamin Andrews. The writer Don Manning wrote a great story which would easily lend itself to a feature film…

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Then I was cast in my first role on national TV!!! I cannot talk about this yet but, trust me, I will post pics and details soon.

The Feature Film I am thrilled to be a part of is, Brides To Be! This is written and will be Directed by the Dynamic Duo, Kris and Lindy Boustedt. I cannot wait to dive in this Winter and start filming! The film revolves around the same two women in the short film, Together Forever. Carollani Sandberg and I will reprise the roles. Joining us, as the best friend, is the hilarious and talented Jesse Lee Keeter. Robin and Jenna are getting ready to walk down the aisle and say I DO. But it’s the day before the wedding, and the venue they chose isn’t what they expected…and it could be a deadly decision. Is their love strong enough against the darkness that lays within this mansion?

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Are you ready to laugh? Do you want to see some ninjas? Ever wonder what NW talent is like if they all come together and create? Well, start watching Chop Socky Boom! After years of hoping, dreaming, and making “please cast me” faces…I was cast in the role as the Italian/Russian beyond Moody Producer, Carmen. Subscribe, get caught up and watch as the new episodes are released weekly. Darlene Sellers and Heath Ward ROCK!

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Finally my phenomenally talented sister is writing and making movies again! And guess who she wants to work with? ME! We dove right into From The Debris, a silent film in four segments (Water, Fire, Earth & Air)…What would you do if your darkest wishes could come true? We cannot wait to share it and jump into our next film…

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SCREENINGS!!! David and I can’t wait to launch our next short film, MILES. We hope to do so later this month OR will be screening in Northwest Horrorfest…if we can submit it in time. Our first ever 48 Hour Film, Trauma, was an official selection and screened in Hollyshorts in Los Angeles. This psychological thriller keeps going and going! AND the time is HERE! The Device, an alien thriller both David and I starred in, IS DONE! Not only is it done, it is screening in Local Sightings AND Tacoma Film Festival (October 14th) AND it comes out on DVD in December! We had the chance to do the DVD commentary, so we got to see it twice! David and I were very pleased and cannot wait to work with the Gents at The October People again. What do all three of these films have in common? They are ALL directed by the AMAZING, the TALENTED, the CREATIVE Jeremy Berg. You are incredible my friend.

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WOW! It has been a crazy and creative Summer. I would like to add a special shout out to my agents, Topo Swope and Tim Crist. I have been with Topo Swope Talent for over 17 years and I can’t wait for the next 17 to come! Both Topo and Tim are so supportive in all that I do, they always have my back as an artist and as a friend. THANK YOU!

A HUGE loving thank you to my MOM and Mama Sue! For neverending support keeps me creating so I can make you laugh, cry and dream. I LOVE YOU BOTH TONS!

What about when I wasn’t on set? Well, in my down time, yes I had some, I started writing again. Since I joined the Theatre Union, Equity, I seem to get less opportunity to work on the stage…and I miss it. Even more so, I miss acting on stage with my husband, David S. Hogan. I feel blessed that he and I have been in many films together this year. But there is something about being on stage with him…I can’t explain it but I LOVE IT. So I am MAKING myself an opportunity. Thus the tilte of this post, DON’T WAIT, CREATE! So I am writing a powerful 3 person one act which I will be producing next year on a main stage. I am beyond ecstatic about this play. It has just continued to flow out of me and onto the page. But I am going to take my time and just enjoy writing again. I have been finding places in nature to sit, soak in my surroundings and BE. It is when our minds are at ease that creation can grow.

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That is it for now. I will have NEW REELS coming soon. I want to get that TV clip on there 🙂 Until then…BE MIGHTY!

~Angela DiMarco